"If you are going through hell, keep going," said Winston Churchill. Let that advice be your inspiration in the coming week, Virgo. But wait: Before you jump to conclusions about what I'm saying, know this: Your tests and trials will be far, far less hellish than the ordeals Churchill faced as he led England through World War II. It's true that you may feel a bit tortured in the heat of the moment, though. So don't you dare slow down to feel sorry for yourself or scream at the chaos-makers. Keep plodding forward, secure in my assurance that you'll cross the border and exit out of the infernal regions well before you're exhausted.

Acknowledging my own personal hell does nothing for the fact that I'm still in it.

After seeing the supposed sequel to the first masterpiece that Sir Graves and I starred in, I have to say ...

That life is the same pile of shit it always is. I can't seem to get a break. Shit, Randal, if I'm working at the Quickstop in ten years you have full license to shoot me in the face. I mean it. You can even write it down for future reference, or store it in that frightening brain of yours.

I don't know if I can handle ten years of hermaphroditic porn.

Thanks to Randal the so-called visionary, I've got one of these things now. My heterosexual life partner is of the opinion that two heads are more fun than one, so here I am.

I'm Dante Hicks, and my life sucks.

That's about it.